I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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