I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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