im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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