remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
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You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
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Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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