Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
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He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
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I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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