The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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