We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize