I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas