That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
