oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
