He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
