You're completely useless in the revolution.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
