You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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