Christians are straight up FREAKS
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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