Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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