i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
