Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
