Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
