I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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