ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
