He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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