The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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