don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
