Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
