Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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