theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
