Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
