now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
