dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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