just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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