YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm just crazy horny about you
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
