upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
