Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
