3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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