No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
