At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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