I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
