rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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