And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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