Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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