i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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