Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
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Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today