found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
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I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
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you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?