You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
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This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My ass is underappreciated
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.