is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.