Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
