Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
