I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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