I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
