my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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