Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
