kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm both gender and math confused
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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