is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
