I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
