Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
