New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
