Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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