No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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