do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
