I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize