My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
