I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
