I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
