I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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