I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
