I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
