Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
even my farts smell like vagina
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
